What is so wrong with me wanting to die?

I've heard a lot that it's a sickness for someone to ask for death. How come? Don't we all wish for something?wealth, happiness, overall things to fill the void in us? Then how come my wish is so bad?I just don't care anymore. I should be happy, filled with bliss. But for some reason I can't find a reason to be happy... We thrive to achieve happiness and wealth (what ever floats your boat i guess) , but when i ask for death,I'm told that i need help and that i should be medicated. Why is that? Is that better, when i need medication to be ''OKAY'' for you. When I'm heavily medicated, I'm okay and productive? Socially acceptable? Someone who can be called a friend? Someone who others aren't afraid to talk to?

How can other people he happy? I don't get it. Can't they see what's going on around them? Hatred, Suffering and pain everywhere you look. How can they not see the pain? How can't they feel it? There is so much pain on this planet.Do they just ignore it and move on? Or they notice it and snuff it out? Or is my mind just fucked up enough to feel the pain around me?

I'm trying to make sense of all these things,but each day things get more and more complicated. New things pop up, i see things that make me assess my opinions on things. all i know is that Death is the only way, in a way. I know that if i kill myself than i'd never see what happens after my death, but also do i wanna see what time brings me? I'm sure that I don't even know what happiness feels like. The thing that brings me down the most is that I wanna talk to others about my thoughts, but talking about them doesn't change anything. The problems still remain and the sadness will not vanish. It's still there. I might feel better for a minute or two but as soon as I'm alone again. It starts. And I Can't do anything about it.

There are a lot of things that I can't explain, In my head. In this blog/diary I try to put it in writing. Maybe one day someone finds it and it will at least help a bit. Cause I'm afraid that it's already too late for me. There are no happy endings. It's all just pain and suffering and we carry on, making a face that it's all okay and we are fine.

Why can't I just die?