Lately, i've been having this dream.
I'm walking on a street. The people walking towards me have their faces messed up. They are lookin straight at me. Even tho i dont see them looking at me, i can feel it.
Im picked up by a van. They blind my eye. i wake up at this point, for a brief second. Next moment, im in a room. its dark and it feels cold. At this point i realise that im in the dream again, but i cant control the dream.
After that, i see a spotlight ahead of me. I walk towards it. I'm fighting now and not in a civil matter My hands are bloody and filled with cuts. there is a lot of blood around me. I hurt them, the people without faces. i hear someone calling me. The voice scrapes my soul. I hear it when im awake. Next thing, im at a farm of somewhere. People i say are my friends are there, so is my family. They are yelling at me. Then they beat me and i can't do anything about it. it feels like this goes on for hours. But then i wake up. and for some reason it feels even worse. like i've woken up into a worse one. A place where the pain is real. my thoughts are real. and the faces are real but still staring at me. This place is making uneasy, sad and miserable. I call this a dream for a reason. This reality feels like a nightmare. Sometimes it feels like im trying at the wrong things. like my life is worthless and that everything i do has no effect nor purpose. The fact that i will not be remembered haunts me. Daily. Everything i do, or everything that i could do wouldn't matter. I'm just a statistic on a board and in paper. Just someone who was born and someone who has died... If you disagree, tell me about the farmers 500 years ago... Show me their names and tell me what they are thinking.
Sometimes my thoughts seem like they are what is wrong with me. And i don't know how to stop them. i've found weed helps me focus and keep the thoughts on a pause somewhat. I'd say manageable at least.
'' does not matter what the man has, if he doesn't have a purpose, You take that away from him, Man goes with it soon.''
And so i go on wearing this mask of ''greatness''
Until next time.
