Not sure, but it feels like im losing my mind. With my thoughts worsening, My dreams becoming bloodier and more hectic. How can i be sure, right? Well im clearly not normal. On the other hand, What is normal? It's weird that to be ''normal'' for others i need to take pills. Those pills make me feel weird and sloppy, but at the same time. maybe that's what ''normal'' is. Is it wrong to be unsure about my feelings about God, Life and the daily struggle? We suffer daily, but for some reason we keep going. We push aside the thought that everyday we try to postpone death, But we all also know that this will not last forever. That someday a moment will arise, where you realize that this is it. The end. My final moments. Will we be proud of ourselves after we die? Look back and feel like we have done everything right? Or will we see the mistakes we made and how it all could have gone in a totally different path?
Why is it so bad, That i can't stop thinking about death? When I tell people about my thoughts and my lust for death. They usually say that: Don't think like that. You shouldn't be thinking like that.
Who told you that its wrong? What if im right? What if thru my death alot will change? What if im the change people need.
Love leads to hatred. It's a endless cycle. We talk of peace and prosperity but we build for war and suffering. The motivation of money is too strong for people to change. As long as there are people, there will be war and conflict. I think that the problem about it is that people don't know pain. We all feel the same pain when we lose someone close to us.
It angers me that me wanting to die out of my own decisions is so wrong, but sending people to kill and be killed is being praised and awarded medals. Those people that decide that we are at war, will be safe and sound, so will the people close to them. but those who go off fighting, Die. Those who make it back are traumatised, crippled, Damaged beyond body and mind. And that is fine? Praised? And me wanting to die is such a bad thing.
with days passing i find it harder and harder to find a cause. I heard a smart guy tell me once that: Work on things when the end result is more or equal to the struggle, otherwise you are losing time and money. Well im having problems seeing what would the end game benefit be for me? A life of regret and sadness? Unhappy memories and hatred? Self-doubt and missed chances.
I'ts hard to see thru the darkness.
