For as long as I can remember, I've always hated myself.
I had this group of people... A group of people that didn't know me, my life nor the situation that my life is in. But I have these moments of realization where I can feel the damage I'm doing to others.
I know I should be going out and do stuff, but... I feel like I'm disconnected for the rest of the world. I mean, i get it. I'm a disease. A sickness to all that get close to Me. Even tho when I'm talking to people that I see as friends. I feel bad. Its like I'm pushing my whole being onto them. I strongly feel like solitude is the way for Me.
It feels a bit like I'm waiting for someone to save me... But I know that will not happen. I don't wanna cut people out of my life, but in case I finally break my promise to not kill myself, I just hope that people get me.
I can't be angry towards people that don't wanna even know me. I don't wanna even know me. For once i wish that people would have that exclusive feeling of living without being able to live. i'm not looking for happy thoughts or get well quick wishes. but accept me. At this point, feel like im just ''That extra population'' that is counted under the radar or whatever.
I just don't wanna be a burden anymore. Half-living isn't the way forward from me. Im just sorry to all the people that knew me...
Like in joker:I wish my death makes more sense then my life.
