Hey,
So, im at the point where i've had enough of sadness, sorrow and grief for my self... and now that my healths at a real risk. I decided that im going to fight it... im going to start working out, stop being drunk alot, limit my smoking habits... Theres a few things i've havent let you know... My previous cure failed... my bodys hasn't accepted it in a month or so... Soo im of it now... Also i dont know if i've said it but i do smoke pot. They say it has medical uses, against cancer. Now that you know dont start calling me a jonkey or a pothead... im just doing it because i wanna survive. i guess people dont understand why i smoke pot. you need to see the world from my eyes...
Everywhere you look you see memorys, it dosent matter if there good or bad, it reminds you that you left a mark of yourself, and that you dont wanna die yet... not alot of people thing about death. but theres always a part of us that knows, knows the fact the end is coming... this will not last forever...
the other thing i wanna talk about, is my feelings... i feel like im a petty person, like people look through me, like im a nothing. theres not a lot of support im getting, theres always my support group where i go and talk and my psychiatrist but my friends, i get the feeling that they think my lieing to them. well what could i expect, i was young, healthy a year back but now im dieing... seems kinda unreal, impossible if i say so myself... but for now
Have a good new year
Marry Christmas/hanuka what ever your having.
So a new year is coming.
Hey
Christmas, the time ive hated since i can remember. its always a time for me to get bad news... its like i cant have one month where im not thinking about my problems. Its always this time, that fucks up my year... I feel so empty, i feel like im incapable of being loved. i feel anger against myself for not being the guy, the guy people wanna be around. the idea of me dieing alone has come cleared to me, maybe for the best.
''Like a coward i am, i hang my head''
Bye
Christmas, the time ive hated since i can remember. its always a time for me to get bad news... its like i cant have one month where im not thinking about my problems. Its always this time, that fucks up my year... I feel so empty, i feel like im incapable of being loved. i feel anger against myself for not being the guy, the guy people wanna be around. the idea of me dieing alone has come cleared to me, maybe for the best.
''Like a coward i am, i hang my head''
Bye
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