It's Me. Its been almost a year now,since my last blog. and also almost a year since i found out im sick and fading.
Let me tell you about the past year.
Just be for chrismas i found out im sick. at that time things seemed really bad and chances of escape were slim. About 5 months after i got my treatment and meds, things started looking better. Only thing about the treatment was that in a long time period i would get better but in that time i would feel like shit everyday, I had things like bleeding from my eyes and nose , coughing blood. blackouts, fainting, losing control over my limps, hyper-ventilation, nightmares, really bad sleep,issuse with controlling my emotions, vomiting, exaustion, headaches, lack of focus,memory loss And many more.
This should go on for some time, a year or two if everthing goes as planned.
I quit school. I had nowhere to live so i got a job at a brewery. I've been there for nearly 5 months now I belive.
Im 18 now atleast.
I live in a apartment at this very moment but it seems im going to move...
Im still single, on the market as some people say. I still keep myself behind the main crowd. I usully dont go out alot, because theres nothing out there for me. i go to work, come back home, sleep and repeat.
Still in the Estonian defence force.
This sickness has got me really scared. i feel like im losing grip on reality. my old class that was suppostu stay together as mostly dissapered, only Allan and Ardo still talk to me and wanna hang out. Most of them dont even care anymore. I still thing about those time sometimes. Yeah im still having suicidal thoughts but i try to push them back. sometimes i feel like im going to just give up and let it flow. I feel like shit as we speak.
People think that im a kid because i play video games, first of all, i play games because thats my escape. Its me-time And second, its helps me think.
I've been wanting to blog for some time now, but never know what to blog about.
Well see you next time, if any one reads this before i post again, let me know what to blog about.
Thanks.
